


You Have Failed This Puppy

by skyline



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Gen, Jax is secondhand high, Kendra has weird bird fears, Puppy!fic, Ray wants to pet it, Rip does not do animal care, Sara loves dogs, Stein basically smokes pot, but he's allergic, in a little cape, literally there's a puppy, so he'd like to live vicariously through Snart tyvm, that's all there is to this, they dress it like Oliver
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-26 01:40:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6218590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyline/pseuds/skyline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray touches Leonard’s elbow. “You know what would make you feel better?”</p>
<p>“If you tell me petting the puppy, I will break every single one of your teeth.”</p>
<p>Ray frowns. Then he says hopefully, “I have a good dental plan.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Have Failed This Puppy

**Author's Note:**

> So. In other fandoms, I'm known for angst. That's my jam. That's where I live. 
> 
> And for some reason, in this fandom, I just want to write ages of team bonding. My one friend finds this delightful. I was like I just want to write about the sad avengers getting a dog. And she proceeded to meta at me until I was like okay I give, I'll write a fic about the team getting a dog. 
> 
> So this happened. I absolve myself of all blame.

There’s a puppy on the bridge.

“It’s getting hair on my captain’s chair,” Rip says somberly. He makes these big eyes at Ray, all round and bluish-green. “Make it stop.”

“Uh,” Ray replies, oh-so-eloquently. “Well. I would,” he hedges, staring at the wriggling, adorable, entirely too-pet-able creature. It’s a chocolate lab, he notes. Labs being notorious for having the biggest, plumpest, cutest paws; practically the size of their little puppy heads. He hates his life. “If you have a secret stash of Claritin around here.”

“I know that’s supposed to mean something. It sounds like words,” Rip replies. “And words have a meaning. But for the life of me, I don’t know what you’re asking for.”

“I think he’s implying he’s allergic to dogs, Captain,” Gideon pipes in. She’s the most helpful creepy big-brother figure Ray has ever known.

He’s positive he can feel her eyes on him when he’s in the shower.

Shuddering, Ray skips past that thought and right on to telling Rip, “I _want_ to pet the puppy. But I _can’t_ pet the puppy. Life is supremely unfair.” He switches tack. “Also, when did we get a puppy?”

Rip says, “Her name is Moravia. She’ll be with us for the night.”

What Rip does not do is answer the question, Ray notices. “Do you actually know how to care for a puppy? Did they let you have pets at time master school? I’m assuming the answer is no, because they didn’t even let you have girlfriends, and by the way, time master school sounds like the least fun thing ever.”

“Unless you have something substantive to contribute to my furry problem, Mr. Palmer, I think our conversation has reached its natural conclusion.”

“That was rude. You’re very good at being rude.”

“I excel at rudeness. It was required learning to at my fun-free school.”

“I suppose sass was also on the curriculum?” Ray puts his hands on hips, watching the puppy squirm its way even further into its snuggle nest. Ray can’t even blame little Moravia. Rip’s chair, while identical to all the other chairs, is totally the comfiest. He says, “You know who I bet loves dogs? Kendra. I’ll go get her.”

* * *

 

Kendra, it turns out, does not love dogs.

Kendra, in fact, is _terrified_ of dogs.

“It’s a bird thing, I think,” she grits out, as she clings to the entryway on the bridge. “I had a dog, when I was a kid. I had two! But now I think it’s going to _eat me_.”

“That’s ridiculous. At worst, it’ll gnaw at your ankles,” Ray tells her. “I doubt she would get very far at all before she gets full.”

Kendra levels a full-on glare Ray’s way. “You’re not helping.”

“Yeah,” Ray hurries to say, a little scared that Kendra might go demi-goddess on him while he’s vulnerable, which is pretty much always outside of the Atom suit. “You’re right. I can see how that might not have been the most encouraging thing that I’ve ever said. Um.”

“It’s not a ridiculous fear,” Kendra insists. Ray can see the whites of her eyes. “Retrievers kill birds! Sometimes.”

Ray resists the urge to tell her that the only thing cute, wiggly, little Moravia could kill is any sadness in his heart. He screws up his face, trying to muster up something heartening. “It’ll be okay. We only have the dog for the night. What can possibly go wrong in a single night?”

* * *

 

A lot can go wrong in a single night, Ray realizes, as he watches Moravia chew on his very expensive Italian leather shoe.

In fact, a few hours were all it took for everything to go painfully awry.

“This is your fault,” he tells Sara.

She is on her hands and knees, playing tug of war with Moravia.

Over Ray’s shoe.

She grins up at him, a kind of happy that he imagines she was often, as a younger girl.

“Yep. Absolutely my fault.” And it is, seeing as she’s the one who demanded that Ray take his shoe off. She continues, “Moravia likes leather, don’t you, girl? _Yes_ you _do_.”

“Baby talk. I never saw you as the baby talk with animals type,” Ray replies. Something dangerous flickers across Sara’s face. He adds, “But now I see it. Now I understand it. I’m down with the baby talk.”

“Moravia, Ray’s a big old grumpy gus, isn’t he?” Sara asks of the puppy.

Ray pouts, because he really, really wants to pet the dumb dog. That kind of cuteness is almost worth his eyes blowing up and getting all red rimmed, and oh yeah, _sneezing_ for eight hours straight.

Maybe nothing is that cute, Ray thinks. It doesn’t make him any less sad. He nudges Snart with his foot and asks, “Don’t you want to pet the puppy?”

Leonard cocks an eyebrow. Mildly, he inquires, “And why would I want to do that?”

“Because…she’s adorable?” Ray does not punctuate his response with _duh_ , but it’s a close call.

Snart sighs, like this entire conversation is exhausting him. “I don’t _do_ adorable, Raymond.”

“Everyone does adorable,” Kendra volunteers.

She’s still hugging the doorframe, so her opinion probably doesn’t count for much.

“I have dignity,” Leonard says.

“I don’t!” Jax exclaims, bursting into the room. “Is that a dog?” He doesn’t wait for anyone to answer before he dives onto the floor, wiggling his butt in the air and going, “Look at your big ol’ paws. Who’s a puppy? You are. Yes, you are.”

Sara nips affectionately at the puppy’s ear, while Jax rubs its belly.

All the while, it chews on Ray’s shoe. He watches tiny teeth mark scar that fine Italian craftsmanship and wonders if there’s a decent shop for footwear in space.

Snart has been doing a really good job of acting unbothered by the puppy’s presence. But everyone has to cave sometime.

Clearly doing his best not to sound eager, he asks, “What’d you do to deserve that?”

Ray shrugs. He doesn’t like this story. This story definitely does not make him happy.

Sara volunteers, “He wouldn’t get on the ground and play with Moravia, so this is justice. Moravia likes justice, doesn’t she?”

Moravia snuffles and chews contentedly in confirmation.

“It’s not justice,” Ray protests. “I want to pet the puppy, guys.”

He turns to Snart.

Snart frowns at him.

Ray says, “Come on. Let me live vicariously through you. And your hands. On the puppy.”

Snart makes sure to enunciate, this time. “ _No_.”

Abruptly, Sara lights up. She says, “Wait. Wait, I’ve got a great idea.”

“I’m scared,” Ray tells the room.

“I’m not…not scared,” Snart allows.

The puppy drifts closer to Kendra in its roughhousing with Jax, and she lets out a minute shriek.

Rip, who has been watching this entire debacle from the corner, where he is looming (as Rip is often wont to do), grumbles.

It sounds vaguely like _I hate you all_ , but that can’t be it, Ray decides. They are the most un-hate-able team a time master could ever want.

* * *

 

Sara comes back with a scrap of green fabric. She ties it around Moravia’s neck, modeling part of it into a little puppy-cowl, and proudly declares, “There.”

Ray laughs into his hand. Ollie would so not approve.

“You gave it a cape,” Jax says, awed.

His eyes are looking a little red. Like, suspiciously red.

Ray nudges Snart and says, “Hey. If you’re not going to play with the dog, d’you think…?”

Leonard sighs. “I’ll go find the professor. Engine room?”

“Engine room,” Ray confirms, because that is where Stein likes to sit and smoke joints, never mind that poor Jax is straight as a razor’s edge when it comes to drugs.

Poor kid’s second-hand stoned whenever they have a vacation.

Snart marches off in what is definitely not a huff, because Snart is way too smooth to be huffy.

Rip is the opposite, huffing and puffing and blowing the ship down while he demands, “Why are you dressing the dog up?”

“She’s the Arrow!” Sara bumps her nose against Moravia’s, purring, “Because no one likes justice more than you!”

Rip’s shoulders slump. He mutters, “I never should have brought the damn dog.”

“Yeah, about that. Why did you bring the dog?” Ray asks again. When he gets no answer, he shrugs and says, “Puppy-Oliver- wait. Olivia?”

“Moravia,” Jax corrects too-loudly, clearly not getting the joke.

Someone really needs to hide Stein’s stash.

“Right. Green Moravia,” Ray decides. “I shall teach you to understand the true heart of justice.”

And then he begins singing the theme song to _Walker, Texas Ranger_ , in blatant disregard of Rip’s no-singing-on-the-bridge rule.

The rule was crafted after a long night of drinking games that devolved into acapella karaoke, but whatever. It stands.

“Stop that noise,” Rip commands. His eyes are narrowed, and practically murderous. “At once.”

All that does is prompt Sara to join in on the chorus. She gleefully sings to Moravia that when the eyes of a ranger are upon you, any wrong you do he’s gonna see.

Somewhere in Star City, Oliver Queen probably feels a sudden chill.

Whatever. Oliver is a girlfriend stealing buzzkill (and a very nice man, Ray thinks), and he’s not here to judge.

* * *

 

Snart returns, but he still refuses to play with the puppy.

Stein, on the other hand, is now sitting cross-legged on the floor declaring this to be, “The most joyous occasion in all of time and space!” He grins benignly at Jax and Sara, and says, “It’s too bad Mr. Rory isn’t here. He seems like a dog-man.”

Leave it to the guy who’s high as a kite to bring the mood down.

Snart and Rip mirror each other, crossing their arms and glaring in opposite directions.

Sara sits back on her heels and frowns.

Jax, on the other hand says, “I don’t know. He seemed like a cat guy.”

“Hey.” Sara pokes him. “Show some respect.”

“I am showing respect. I’m bummed Mick’s gone. But...” Jax shudders. “Sometimes, when Gray and I were Firestorm, he tried to come up and stroke my face.”

“He likes fire,” Leonard replies dully, watching the puppy prance excitedly while Sara turns Ray’s shoe in her fingers.

The makeshift green cape flaps with every wag of Moravia’s tail.

Jax says, “Tell it to me straight, Cold. Was he going to try to kiss me?”

“Only if you asked real nice.”

“Tact, Jax.” Sara nudges Jax with her shoulder, indicating the way that Snart’s face is pale and pinched. “Aim for tact.”

Ray touches Leonard’s elbow. “You know what would make you feel better?”

“If you tell me petting the puppy, I will break every single one of your teeth.”

Ray frowns. Then he says hopefully, “I have a good dental plan.”

Snart shakes his head. “You’re pushing your luck, Raymond.”

“If I was lucky, you’d be down there.” Ray gestures at Sara, Jax, Stein, and Moravia emphatically. There is just. So. Much. Cute. “Petting the puppy.”

Snart is impervious to cute, and clearly gave up happiness for lent or something. He delivers Ray a cool, “No,” and does not budge.

It’s okay. Ray will wear him down.

* * *

 

Moravia has been onboard for approximately twelve hours when Rip admits, “Fine. I brought the bloody puppy onto the ship to boost morale.”

He appears suitably enraged and embarrassed at his own admission. Even the tips of his ears are pink.

Sara begins to laugh. “Why?”

“I thought it would help, after Carter’s passing and Mick’s, er…transgressions. People like things, that are cute! I’ve heard. And puppies are cute! My son gave me a calendar, once.”

“A puppy calendar?”

Rip nods. “And then I brought the puppy-“

“Moravia,” Sara corrects, still snickering.

“-Moravia,” Rip amends, without missing a beat. “Onto the ship and I realized: I have no idea how on earth to take care of a puppy.”

“You had a kid,” Snart drawls. He’s not one for disbelief, but he’s wearing it, clear as day.

Rip says, “I resent the implication that they’re similar creatures.”

Leonard shrugs.

“How different can they be?” Kendra asks, from her perch on the captain’s chair, where she is now clinging to the leather like the dog might lunge at her. “You feed them. You water them. You housebreak them.”

Understanding dawns on Rip’s face. “ _That’s_ why it pissed in my shoes.”

Ray looks mournfully at the dog, it’s little green cowl askew. “Rip Hunter. You have failed this puppy.”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying. Does anyone understand what he’s saying?” Rip asks the rest of the crew.

Sara doesn’t stop laughing for at least five minutes.

* * *

 

Night dawns, and with it, people become less infatuated with the puppy.

Sara yawns and says, “I’ve got to catch some shut-eye, guys.” She pads off down the hall with ethereal grace. Dr. Stein and Jax are already long since retired, off to bed in a chronic-induced haze that Jax will probably make Stein pay for in the morning.

Kendra throws Ray a heavy-lidded, if not trembling, smile, her eyes darting nervously to the dog before she says, “I’m going to bed.”

“Okay,” Ray agrees.

Kendra waits.

Ray grins at her.

Finally, she sighs. “See you in the morning?”

“Sleep tight!” Ray replies brightly.

Rip and Snart shake their heads as Kendra disappears out of sight.

Rip says, “That was an invitation. You’re not a bright man.”

“Oh,” Ray says. “Oh! Uh. Eh.”

“Oh. Uh. Eh,” Snart echoes. “Your eloquence never fails to enchant me, Boy Scout.”

Rip almost looks like he wants to laugh, but that would be a sin against surliness.

He does not.

So Ray asks the obvious question. “Hey. Where is Moravia going to sleep?”

Rip and Snart both frown down at the dog, with its big-puppy eyes and its Green Arrow cowl. Then, simultaneously, they chorus, “Not it.”

* * *

 

Ray lies in bed for about half an hour before he decides that he feels awful about Moravia. The cockpit is no place for a puppy to have sweet dreams, even if the captain’s chair is really, really comfortable.

Rip is basically heartless, letting the little cutie pie sleep there.

Barefoot, with a thin quilt wrapped around his shoulders, he finds his way down the hall. The track lighting they keep on during nighttime hours is his dim guide. At this point, Ray’s resolved that even if he has to sneeze for an entire decade, it’s worth it to keep sweet Moravia warm.

And cuddle with her for like, ever, because _puppy_.

He wanted a dog so damn bad when he was a kid. Slinky couldn’t do any cool tricks.

Breaching the cockpit, Ray calls out softly, “Moravia,” before stopping in his tracks.

Rip’s gone, but Snart’s still there. He’s curled up in the captain’s chair, Moravia settled happily in his lap. Both are fast asleep – Snart’s head lolls back against the headrest.

Moravia snores softly, and the two of them are the perfect picture of peace and tranquility.

Ray sighs. He says, “I guess I’m not going to cuddle the puppy.”

“Probably not, Mr. Palmer,” Gideon advises in low tones, making him jump, nonetheless.

She’s so creepy.

“Do you watch me in the shower?” Ray asks.

“I am always watching, Mr. Palmer.”

“That’s terrifying.” Ray grimaces. Then he says, “I really wanted to pet the puppy. But…” He smiles at the way that Leonard’s fingers are curled into Moravia’s fur. “This is good enough.”

Ray artfully drapes the quilt over Snart, giving Moravia space to breathe. He watches the two of them for one long, radiant moment.

“This is definitely good enough.”

 


End file.
